Mark and I are at this point in our lives where we feel incredibly restless. We aren't exactly sure where God wants us or what he wants us doing. There is a huge lack of vision in our lives and lets just say its driving us crazy. We love "The Story" church but yet we can't seem to get jobs here in Grand rapids that will allow us to stay with the story. So we have been questioning for months what to do. Do we move to a place where there are at least some jobs? Do we stay and weather this tough economy, not sure whether we can pull it off or not? We beg from God an answer yet every time we hear His quite whisper to trust him and we are constantly reminded that our God is a faithful God. And yes, these are great things to hear and we trust them whole heartedly and they do bring much peace. But yet we still hang in limbo wondering what direction we are headed, wondering what our vision for life needs to be.
We hear sermons and read bible studies that talk about God calling outside of our comfort zone and that we need to be ok with that. This has become so confusing since we feel as though we no longer have a comfort zone. Staying here isn't comfortable and moving to a totally new place isn't comfortable. We could go to Africa and that wouldn't be comfortable or we could go to Lansing and that wouldn't be comfortable. Whats becoming comfortable is being un-comfortable. I have been telling God to call us to something insanely hard and we will up and go, just please call us to something. This could be risky but I think we both would take the hardest thing we could possibly imagine over not knowing anything, hanging in limbo directionless.
Mostly I long for a home, a sense of belonging. A place where we know God wants us at least for a while a place where we can plant roots and be confident in that choice. I long to feel at home. But I constanly remind myself of a converstation Mark and I had before we got married. We declared to one another that home would be where each other are no matter what. If it was in a desert of in a home with whit picket fence as long as we are both there with our God, that will be home. So here we are this is our home for now. And we will give life all we have now in this moment. And we will continue to worship our God no matter where he takes us or doesn't take us for that matter. Because, he is a faithful God whom we love. He is worth everything even our worship when we don't understand anything about our lives.