I am coming up on three full weeks of bed rest. Thankfully have only spent 72 hours on complete "lay down in bed" bed rest. On good days I am allowed to "putts" around the house in very small amounts and on bad days I lay down or recline only getting up to use the bathroom. I have been able to get out a few times a take really small trips to the store or a short car ride to get fresh air. I have been able to go out to dinner 3 times, so all that to say that I am thankful that I have not been completely confined to my house or bed.
Bed rest has been harder than I could ever have imagined and such a whirl wind of emotions. It started three weeks ago Friday when something just did't feel right. I knew I had a bladder infection and it was getting worse but I also just knew something wasn't right so I called my dr. And she wanted to see me right away. I felt like everything would be fine but in the back of my head all I could think was i am going to get sent to the hospital or put on bed rest. Our bodies know when something isn't right even if we feel no physical effects. My dr. Did an ultrasound and I was contracting with funneling and had a shortening cervix. She put me on medicine for the bladder infection which was most likely causing this as well as meds for the contractions. She took me off work and school for the week and sent me home with specific instructions. All she said was we can't have this baby coming at 28.5 weeks. I left and drove to kroger as I tried to understand everything that was going on.
I called mark while I waited on my prescriptions and broke down in the middle of kroger. All I could think was "this baby cannot come now." I think for both mark and I, it was one of the scariest moments in our lives. We knew that if the baby came in the next few days it had a chance of not living or of having long term disabilities. At this point I didn't care that I just got confined to my house for an indefinite period of time. All I cared about was that our baby would live and be healthy. But i was terrified. It was so shocking to go from a healthy pregnancy to this in matter of hours.
There is no way anyone can understand all the emotional strain of bed rest for both the pregnant one and the husband until you have been there. It is so easy to say and think how nice it would be to do nothing for weeks. But what people don't think about is that first and foremost you are on bed rest because your baby is at risk and in danger. At first it has nothing to do with not doing anything you are fully concerned each day with what will happen if this baby comes. Second, it is no fun to be forced to do nothing. Sure you can read books, watch tv, sleep, write anything. But your body gets tired and weak. You are sore from not being able to move much. You are lonely and the days are long. It is hard, harder than i would have ever thought. Then there is the terrible part of worrying every minute about what your body is doing. Is your baby okay? If something happens who will be here to help? What if I don't know I am going into labor until it is too late?
And then watching mark work 50 hour weeks, cook, clean, do laundry and crash at the end of the day is so hard. He is doing so much right now and I can't help. He is amazing and has laughed and smiled through it all even though he is dealing with so many of the same emotions me yet he has been so strong and steadfast. I am so thankful for him.
Bed rest is hard and challenging yet there has been so much oppurtunity to trust god and find all my peace in him. It has helped me to calm down and quit being a clean freak and to quit stressing about everything that needs to be done. I have had no choice but to be quiet and still and do what I can to be positive. This may prepare us more for parenthood than any extra money in the bank or a clean baby ready house ever could. Every day my only purpose is to do what I can to keep my baby inside me. I have given up work, school, fun and many other things for my baby. Isn't this the basis of parenthood?
We have been so thankful for family and friends who have brought us meals, cleaned our kitchen and just been there for us. For the first time in our married life we feel completely surrounded by people who love us and care for and we are so thankful. God is good and he is in control and every moment will be worth it when our little bean as safe at home in our arms.