Monday, June 14, 2010

hard choice

Today I quit the container store. There was a huge sense of relief that followed but getting there was such a struggle. The job was really hard on me. I didn't care for it but more than that it was the schedule. I worked so many days, but little shifts. I was often working stretches of 10-14 days with no break. Even if you only have to work for 3 hours there is something still tiring about it. We, or at least I, need a break once in a while. The other thing that was hard about it was they expected so much from me on and off the clock. It was supposed to be a second job for a little extra income: 10-15 hours a week. I wanted to go to work and it to be fun, simple, and easy and then I wanted to leave it there and come home twice a week. But instead I listen to work voicemail everyday and work 3-5 times a week. In order to perform well at work I really have to think ahead about my days. I had to be mentally prepared when I go in. We were asked to lead our own development, so there was always something more to learn and do and often that involved time off the clock for me. All of these things are great for someone who has the time. But I do not. So all of this was creating a stressed, worn out and anxious Jenny. I knew I needed to quit. I was missing out on the things most important to me because between both jobs I was just tuckered out. I often missed bible study and church. Being stressed out was affecting our marriage and our time together at home. The things most important to me were suffering the most. So with all this said, you might think "well obviously it is an easy choice, of course you needed to quit." However the reason I got the job was for money that we needed. I was so afraid to quit because of the money we would lose. It wasn't just extra money, its money that we needed to pay our bills.

But then my husband told me that I was choosing money over my marriage, my bible study and my relationship with God because this job was affecting all of these negatively. I knew the right decision was to quit. I knew it was what God wanted and what my husband wanted, as well as what I wanted. But I could not bring myself to do it. It was such a hard decision to make.

I did end up doing it. I did it because I trust God. And today I had to make the choice to trust that he would take care of us. I had to put my relationships and mental health first and forget about money. I trust God will take care of us...even if it means getting behind on a few bills, I KNOW he won't let us go without what we need. And I KNOW that I will be thankful I made this choice. The hardest choices are often the best ones. And sometimes it is just a step of faith. Mark and I have decided that we won't live our lives chasing money. We won't let money control us. And this is just one example of how we will live it out.

Today I quit my job because I needed God to be first in my life and NOT money.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and with all your strength"

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